Ninjas.

And I mean both this kind:

And this kind:

Looking at the stealthy killers of the night, you can’t not appreciate their subtle ways, their absolute martial-art kick-assery and they’re swanky outfits. I mean, black looks good with everything, and everything includes a bitchin’ katana and a set of shurikens.

The never ending debate of Ninjas vs. Pirates is a really tough pickle, but overall, I think Ninjas really do overpower Pirates, the sea scalawags will never even see ‘em coming. And if you don’t believe such a debate exists merely turn your eyes here, here, here, here or here.

Ok, that last one is a video of Jig-dancing monkeys. It has nothing to do with ninjas, but it’s still awesome.

Pictured - 77 Ninjas.

Something Terrifying

Mimes.

They don’t talk. That’s unnatural. Forget clowns (who can be pretty damn scary), Mimes are the real creepy bastards of the “lets put make up on and do weird stuff” brigade.

That's mime for "I'm going to feed you your own bowels"

I, for one, am dying to know what the hell will cause a sane man to decide to never utter another word for the rest of his life and paint his face white. Don’t get me wrong, I love charades just as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to be playing it for my entire life.

I’m also scared I might get stuck in one of those invisible boxes…

Again!

After over 6 months of inactivity, I’ve decided to bring this Blog back to life as an outlet for my writing. I’ve decided that I’m going to really really try and commit this time around, and not let it die out. If I do – please badger me about it in any and all ways of contacting me (you can find those on the right).

So, what better way of enforcing commitment than starting a regular segment! Seeing how people love lists, I decided to make one of those never ending lists, and as an extra-added bonus, this is actually two lists in one! I give you “Something Awesome/Something Terrifying!”.

Something Awesome

Bears.

Yes, bears are awesome. I’m not talking about pansies like Winnie the Pooh or BooBoo. No, I’m talking about real bears. Bears that could eat you in less time than you can shout “Help, I’m being mauled by a bear!”. You want that kind of bear as a best bud.

This guy is your new best friend.

The amount of fun you can have with a bear-buddy (it even sounds great!) is incredible. No more waiting in line, no more being stood up, and no more poking on Facebook, because if there’s one thing everyone knows, it’s that you shouldn’t poke the bear.

If it's on a shirt, it's true.

Plus, the word-play potential is astounding. Besides the aforementioned bear-buddy, there’s Bear-Beer-Bash, Bear-Bros and Bear-Bingo (every Tuesday at 7).

And if you have to choose one bear out of all the bears out there, I’ve chosen mine. It’s this one:

Something Terrifying

Octopi. Octopusses. Octopussyies. Fuck it…

These Guys!

By far the scaries animal on earth, and the number one contender from wiping us off this planet the minute they decide they want to. According to well-known and established scientific source, the octopus is pretty much the base-animal for every superhero out there, regardless of what other animal they use in their name. These guys can do anything from chameleon-esque camouflage all the way to regeneration. Yep, you can’t kill the bastards. If that wasn’t enough, those tentically bastards are smarter than most people (which, granted, isn’t saying much, but still):

I can't make Mr. Potato Head looks this swanky...

In short, we should all fear the octopus.

And stop eating calamari, cause seriously… that’s just poking the bear.