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My Life Changing Year – Day 9

22 Jul

So, today’s mission involved accepting my mortality by checking off things I’ve done on a HUGE list. I guess the point was to realize that there are some things you will just never get around to. Reading the list however, has just motivated me to get it all done. And I’m well on my way. The following is the items I have already completed, or well on my way to completing:

  • Learn Italian (not done yet, but only because the class conflicted with my schedule. Will be accomplished within 3 years)
  • Write that novel/screenplay (I am a writer, after all)
  • Compromise
  • Pretend that everything is all right
  • Follow this book rigorously (Exhibit A…)
  • Learn how to drive
  • Call your mother “Ma” (It’s how I answer the phone when she calls…)
  • Become an artist (see item #2)
  • Bite the dust (will do it at least once)
  • Move to Japan (April 2012, it’s in the plan)
  • Invent a cookie (you just don’t want to eat it)
  • Become grumpy when old (a likely possibility)
  • Ride a camel
  • Use a semicolon (again with the being a writer)
  • Speak in tongues
  • Become a fanatic
  • Save the world (there was an incident involving time traveling Pharaoh zombies…)
  • Be heterosexual
  • Stand and speak up for your rights (Ok, I may have been sitting down)
  • Talk to strangers
  • Start a fire
  • Order tap water
  • Grow a beard
  • Be on TV (was an audience member, but still)
  • Feel like Batman (Every. Single. Day.)
  • Become a Rock Star (I beat Rock Band’s Career Mode, so…)
  • Be drunk during office hours
  • Contemplate suicide
  • Break a promise
  • Get a tattoo (Iron Fist dragon on my right shoulder, second on the way…)
  • Go on a field trip
  • Take part in a brainstorming (how best to defeat Pharaoh zombies)
  • Ride a donkey
  • Proclaim yourself Emperor (the French refuse to recognize it, for some reason…)
  • Live within your means
  • See your face on banknote (I see things sometimes, have I mentioned?)
  • Start your own religion (Fictionism. Says so on my business card)
  • Experience an earthquake
  • Hibernate
  • Take a vow of silence (failed.)
  • Take a vow of chastity (failed.)
  • Move someone to tears
  • Tie the perfect shoelace knot (daily)
  • Reject society (daily)
  • Meet your great-great grandchildren (again, time traveling Pharaoh zombies…)
  • Suffer a fool gladly (otherwise it’s just double-standards, really)
  • Think up a new swear word (you’re floozle right I would)
  • Escape your past (you know the drill by now… Pharaoh zombies…)
  • Master the remote control (I pwn that bee-atch)
  • Make a pact with the devil (my soul for immortality)
  • Wish upon a star (to get out of my pact with the devil)
  • Tell your deepest secret
  • Feel ugly
  • Feel pretty (and witty)
  • Sniff superglue (possibly once too many)
  • Whistle while you work
  • Become a superhero (see: Batman)
  • Make a leap of faith (trip, fall)
  • Live to tell the tale (see, above)
  • Forgive and Forget
  • Crush grapes with your bare feet (and bear feet, too)
  • Sup with Satan (you don’t sign away your soul without dinner first)
  • Travel back in time (do I really need to say it? starts with ‘Pha”, ends with ‘ombies’)
  • Think the unthinkable
  • Come out of a black hole alive (cheapest way to time travel)
  • Predict an eclipse (it just didn’t come true)
  • Wear a cape (no self-respecting superhero goes out without one)
  • Spot the Invisible Man (he’s behind you)
  • Do the Rubik’s Cube
  • Acquire a hard-ass nickname (Itai “Princess Margarine” Rosenbaum)
  • Ooze charm (please…)
  • Howl at the full moon
  • Find your self
  • Other (I’ve done plenty of ‘other’)

Tomorrow: Dine and Dash Day

My Life Changing Year – Day 8

21 Jul

Week two, starting off with a bang – a self portrait!

So, I present to you – me, as viewed by me:

Not seen: 42 Ninjas and a care-bear (deceased).

Tomorrow: Accept Mortality Day

My Life Changing Year – Day 7

20 Jul

So today, I was supposed to send my passport off to Benrik (the authors of the book) and have them stamp it.

That’s not going to happen. First of all, I live in Israel and sending my passport to England will cost a pretty penny, not to mention I’d be without it for a good couple of weeks with a good chance that I’ll never see it again, the Israeli post system being what it is.

Secondly, it’s hard enough travelling with an Israeli passport as it is, having it stamped by a fictional country is sure to have flags.

I am thinking of a trip to Ireland though.

Tomorrow: Self-Portrait Day

My Life Changing Year – Day 6

19 Jul

So, before I get to today’s assignment – there is something that must be known.

I am a very picky eater. That’s putting it mildly, so today’s assignment “Try Food that Scares You”, is really the first of the real life-changing ones in this book.  It takes a lot out of me to try out new foods. To illustrate – a story. Two years ago, I went to Japan. I don’t, however, eat rice – which is a problem in Japan. So for two months before the trip, I psyched myself up and mentally prepared for having rice in Japan. I figured – if you’re going to start having it, might as well do it in the one place that’s most famous for it. I arrived in Japan and… couldn’t do it. Mental block, or I don’t know. Something in there simply stopped me from putting the stuff near my mouth.

So, anyways, yeah – today is a big day. I also don’t eat eggs. So…

Before...

And…

After

So, yay me. I eat eggs now. It wasn’t incredibly horrible like I thought. I’m not in love with eggs and don’t think I’ve been missing much, but it was an important step.

Tomorrow: Stamp Your Passport Day

My Life Changing Year – Day 5

18 Jul

Comrades, today we must topple the capitalist swines and their consumer-driven economy. Join me in placing UnBuying Incentives all around their precious merchandise depots. United We Prevail!

"I hope you enjoy your spoon-fed, white, male Knowledge."

"This Cable Transmits STUPID in High Def."

"Nice Bag! Is it big enough to hold the tears of the oppressed?"

"I am READY to be filled with Ivory Tower, pretentious Bull Shit!"

Tomorrow: My Worst Gods-Damned Nightmare (Food that Scares You Day)

My Life Changing Year – Day 4

17 Jul

Today I had to discreetly give the middle finger to people.

Seeing as how I have an exam tomorrow, I was at home studying all day. I occasionally flipped myself off in the mirror while I wasn’t looking.

Good day.

Tomorrow: Topple Consumerism Day

My Life Changing Year – Day 3

16 Jul

Today I needed to send out a letter to the military, advising them how to solve our (many) problems. I’m attaching it, below:

To: Whomever it may Concern

From: Res. First Sergeant Itai Rosenbaum

Re: Tactical Rethinking

Dear Sir or Madam*,

I have been thinking about the Israeli military problem and I believe I have a solution.It first came to me while reading some recent issues of X-Men. I think there are several striking similarities between the people of Israel and the X-Men. Both are a minority surrounded by enemies who hate them, and both are waiting around for a messiah to show up (of course, in the X-Men’s case – the messiah is an 18 year old named Hope who may or may not be a resurrected Jean Gray and escaped to the year 3000 A.D., but that’s beside the point).

Anyways, in order to deal with the problem of people who are intolerant to his people – Cyclops, leader of the X-Men moves to San Francisco, where people are known to be tolerant. That doesn’t work so he resurfaces Asteroid M, and founds a mutant nation floating in the middle of the ocean. We should totally do that.

There is no need to find an old mutant citadel lying at the bottom of the ocean, we could just saw off our country and with a single push – set the entire country adrift. Like Cyclops, we could ally ourselves with the Atlanteans, and become the first drifting-island nation in the world. I think it would absolutely work and solve all our problems. Aside from the obvious military solution – we won’t have a water problem anymore – we’ll be surrounded by it!

I hope you take this into consideration next time you have a talk about these things.

Itai Rosenbaum,

Concerned citizen.

* Let’s be honest, this is the Israeli Military we’re talking about – there is no way they’d let a woman be in a high enough position to make this kind of call…

Tomorrow: Middle Finger Day

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